The Sorting of Dudley Dursley
by Professor McGonagal
Summary: Dudley Dursley is a wizard. This is his Sorting. OOC Dudley and Sorting Hat. Please read enjoy and review! :)


**A/N: the key for this story is that Mrs. Evans (Lily and Petunia's mum) was a squib, who was put into an orphanage by a disgusted Pureblood family. She did however, have some magical blood, but not enough to attended Hogwarts. She grew up in the orphanage, unaware of her magical blood, met Mr. Evans, married, and had Petunia, another squib, but with a bit of magical blood. Lily had more Magical blood than her mother and Petunia, so she went to Hogwarts, but she and James DID NOT DIE. Voldemort decided that Neville, (being a Pureblood) would have more magical power than a half blood, so he decided to prove that he was really all powerful. Therefore Neville is the Boy Who Lived, Chosen One, etc. Petunia married Vernon and had Dudley, who was a wizard. Vernon was disgusted but Petunia realized that this was a wonderful opportunity for Dudley, having seen the Wizarding World and wanting the best experice for her son. She attempted to talk Vernon round, but he left. Petunia reconnected with Lily and Dudley and Harry became friends. Dudley Dursley (Petunia became Evans- Dursley, but christened Dudley as Dursley) went to Hogwarts a year before his cousin. This is his Sorting. **

The Sorting of Dudley Dursley.

"Dursley, Dudley!"

Dudley walked up to the stool and sat down, slightly nervous, but also very relived. His Uncle James had warned him frequently of the highly dangerous and painful missions you were expected to complete to get sorted. Though Dudley did notice he never said anything within earshot of Aunt Lily.

The stern looking witch Hagrid had called Professor McGonagall placed the batted old hat that shouted out names of houses on his head. He waited.

"_**A Dursley, eh? The first one at Hogwarts."**_ A voice said. Dudley jumped. No-one had spoken. Could it be the hat? Dudley wondered before thinking:

"_Err... Hi?"_

"_**Hello Mr. Dursley."**_

"_Are you the Sorting Hat?"_

"_**No, I'm the Doctor." **_

"_Very funny. How could you have seen that show?"_

"_**Dumbledore puts me on top of his personal TV when it's on, so I can watch it with him."**_

"_Firstly: Dumbledore has a TV? Secondly: How does that work?"_

"_**One: Yes, yes he does. Two: Well, I can see into things can't I? So it's like, when I'm on your head I can see into your brain. So when I'm on the TV I can see the screen."**_

"_Riiiggghht."_

"_**Just go with it. Anyway, I'm supposed to be sorting you, so if you'll excuse me."**_

"_Sure."_

Dudley waited for minute, until the Hat spoke again:

"_**Dinky Duddydums?"**_

"_Hey!"_

"_**So sorry, couldn't resist, let's start over. Popkin?**_

"_Seriously?"_

"_**Jinx! That's exactly what I thought when I saw that. Dude, you're like, eleven? Surely, you could say something to your mother?" **_

"_I don't really mind too much, it shows how much she loves me. Plus she doesn't do it around my Muggle friends, so what does it matter?"_

"_**Fair point."**_

"_So, what house am I in?"_

"_**Huh? Oh **__**that**__**. No one ever wants to chat, it's all like; 'What house am I in? What house am I in?' No one ever considers that I might like to have a conversation.**_

"_Well, you are called the Sorting Hat, so people just assume that sorting is all you care about."_

"_**I should really get a name change. How does 'The Awesome Sorting Hat of Awesomeness, that even though I sort, I also like conversation hint, hint,' sound?"**_

"_Simply spiffing. However, I've been sitting on this stool for like 5 minutes now, everyone's staring at me, and I'm getting hungry."_

"_**Fine. You're in Gryffindor, congrats!"**_

"_That's great, but why Gryffindor?"_

"_**You will be brave in your future, grasshopper."**_

"_Grasshopper? Also, could you be more specific?"_

"_**Grasshopper's an awesome name, you should be honoured. No I won't be, trust me, I'm a hat."**_

"_You watch Bananas in Pajamas?"_

"_**No, duh! Anyway, TV to watch, people to sort so-"**_

"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat roared and cheers erupted from the table on the far left.

"_Bye Sorting Hat, It was nice to meet you."_

"_**You're one of the only ones who has Dudders. It was nice to meet you too. Come by Dumbles's office, sometime will you? We'll hang out."**_

"_Will do."_

"_**Remember: You will be brave in your future, grasshopper."**_

Dudley laughed, placed the hat back on the stool, and headed for the Gryffindor table, looking forward to the rest of the Sorting, and wondering whether anyone else would talk to the Hat.

**A/N: Please Review!**


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